My sister is beautiful, ridiculously beautiful and single. I'm sick of it. Her Facebook statuses drive me crazy.
Its time for this chick to get married, have kids, and live the good life like the rest of us. The good life = waking up too early on Sunday morning, alligator death rolling to the coffee pot, and lying on the floor half dead while happy little children stuff your nose and ears full of Cheerios.
Enough of this sleeping in, having fun, working out, and partying on the weekends lifestyle.
Its time to grow up Vanessa and I am going to help you.
This is why you're single:
Because you listen to the Taylor Swift station on Pandora
Because your Facebook statuses say shit like "Dancing under the full moon"
Because you pronounce a non existent "H" after the "T" in Phantom as in Phantom of the Opera
Because you are obsessed with Phantom of the Opera
Because you broke my magic 8 ball when you were five and I put a curse on you
Because you leave tumbleweaves wherever you go
Because you refuse to measure when cooking
Because you don't date men with googly, beady, or close set eyes which eliminates 99.99% of the straight male population
Because you think every meal is Tapas. Get your fingers off my food!
Because you still listen to high school cheerleading mix CDs with Venga Boys on them
Because you think "Dirty Dancing" is a documentary
Seriously though. Take your time.
The less time you spend getting married and having kids the more time you can spend taking care of mine. See how thoughtful I am?
We love you Titi : ) xo