Real Housewives of Bedlam. My favorite hot messes.

I think I have mentioned to you guys before that I am a huge (massive) fan of the Housewives series. I love watching hot messes on TV once the kids have fallen asleep and have vowed to do it more often. It makes me happy seeing people crazier than myself going nuts on TV. Last night was the ninety minute premiere of the Real Housewives of New Jersey. The hot mess did  not disappoint! Here is my recap.

Jaqueline Laurita

She bores me. Always has. She did not appear to be up to much. She is still boring. Her teenage daughter Ashley is still a loser with too much self esteem. She is now working for PR crazy lady extraordinaire Lizzy Grubman. Her self entitlement has led her to believe that she doesn't need to go to work everyday like everyone else in the office. Zzzzzzz.

Kathy Wakile

I did not get to know her too well. My first impression is that she likes drama. Riveting stuff here I know.

She seems like a nosy body that likes to stir the pot which does not make for a good friend BUT does make for some fabulous Housewives shenanigans.

Caroline Manzo

I never liked Caroline. She annoys me to death. I know her no nonsense super mom attitude has gained her many fans but I am not among them. She talks way too tough for a middle aged lady. Seriously. I would run up on this lady with a toy light saber and I guarantee you her tough talk would cease. Immediately. Stop talking tough no one is afraid of you Caroline!

Anyway besides that she is starting to grow on me. I respect her desire to maintain a tightly knit family structure. She seems to have a great relationship with her husband who appears to be a nice hard working guy.

Her kids seem like nice people too. I am happy that her son Albie abandoned his law school dreams. It clearly was not in the cards for him. I mean the school kicked him out! Time to move on. Christopher decided to no longer work at the family business - The Brownstone and is moving out with his brother Albie into a new apartment. The prospect of being an empty nester has Caroline understandably anxious. Daughter Lauren is in love with that guy she has been dating that is friend's with Albie.

Theresa Giudice

She is my husband's favorite. I am indifferent. I think he likes her because he is a fan of short brunettes with hilariously bad tempers*wink*. She seems to no longer be in denial about her financial issues which is refreshing. I remember during previous seasons she would accuse crazy Danielle of being the drama magnet. No way! Theresa is drama. Her whole family brings the drama.

The Christening. Woah. Who else's family would throw a tacky Christening and then follow it up with the world's tackiest behavior. The Christening of her nephew mutated into a crazy mob fight rife with swearing, shoving, death threats, and people screaming "I'll kill all of yous!". It was one of the best reality TV moments TO DATE! I attended Catholic school and remember scripture well. Its right in the bible. Something like thou shalt pound shots at thy offspring's baptism party or something like that. The Lord would be proud.

Melissa Gorga

Melissa is married to Theresa's crazy extra trashy brother. The Gorgas & Guidices hate each other as evidenced by the Christening brawl. Melissa talks so much trash about Theresa and compares herself to her constantly. She says that she throws the best parties, she decorates the best, she split the atom bla bla Melissa thinks she is the coolest person ever. Maybe she is. Time will tell. The season highlights we have to look forward to include Melissa taking her turn as a faux pop star.

Is that a new prerequisite for each Housewives series? A pseudo pop star. I am not okay with this. I still have "Money Can't Buy You Class" stuck in my head. Elegance is learned my friends.

Overall I think we have a lot to look forward to. Melissa versus Theresa is going to be the ultimate super battle of the tacky New Jersey Italian princesses. I am hoping to see Theresa and Melissa's husbands duke out their differences perhaps at a funeral. That is the only way to top the Christening brawl.

I would love to see Ashley get her comeuppance somehow. She is too annoying and self entitled to exist. Maybe she could be forced to date Slade from Housewives of OC. That is a well deserved punishment. I do not know what the entire season has in store for us but I will be back next week to share my thoughts on our favorite New Jersey Housewrecks. Don't be tardy to the party.

Did you watch the premiere?  What did you think? Did you LOVE it?