Jealous of my husband?

The first time someone asked me whether I was jealous of my husband I was speechless. It was a great question. I'd never thought about it before but he is living my (former) dreams. I visited Cornell's Johnson School of Business for its prospective student diversity weekend the week after I met my husband at another school's recruiting event (five years ago on this very day). I made friends that weekend who went on to graduate from Cornell and secure impressive post MBA jobs. I introduced my husband to some of them. I wanted to be a management consultant. I was recruited by a company and extended an offer contingent upon graduation from the college I was attending. I switched schools when I moved to Vermont, got pregnant and married, and am obviously not a management consultant. My husband interviewed with that firm last week. We're waiting to hear whether he made it to final rounds.

I'm not jealous. I have many flaws but jealousy isn't one of them and I don't think its possible to be jealous of someone you truly love. I couldn't be more proud of my husband. He juggles classwork, family life, recruiting obligations, projects, and the occasional DJ gig like a champ. I'm impressed and proud but I am not envious of him.

The Johnson School was my top choice as a prospective student. I'll never get the chance to attend due to my husband's career. After he graduates it's highly unlikely we will live anywhere near this area. That kind of stinks but I'll survive. There are plenty of programs out there for me to explore. I've enjoyed our time here and the friendships I've made over the year but I am okay with moving on.

I learned through this experience that I do not want to be a management consultant. The recruiting process is ultra competitive and if I am to be completely honest I'm not sure I have the right skill set. I've prepped for cases before and performed well on the softball ones they give you at school prospective days but that's a far cry from the real deal perform on the spot against Harvard, Wharton, and Tuck MBAs who can do percentages in their heads! Seriously. Did you know people do this? It's the devils work. In my defense I was out of school when they did percentages because I had the chicken pox. So. There.

Anyway, my husband can do all sorts of quantitive devil tricks in his head and quizzes me all the time. I hate it. Imagine ME on a case interview? No thanks. *Shudders* Oh and I do not enjoy financial modeling. I've watched my husband prepare for his interviews and I'm not interested. I'm happy for him and ima let him finish but it's just not a good fit for where I am in my life.

My husband and I decided that he would go first. This is his time. My job is to make his life as easy as I can and to support him. I chose this. It's sometimes difficult when I'm at an event with him and people forget that I'm a human being who existed for many years before she was a mother and is capable of discussing things besides her children. That can be annoying but it's no one's fault. That's my issue. I have this ridiculous need to remind people I have a brain but then struggle with basic math so I should probably be quiet and enjoy the dip.

It's funny watching my husband live what i thought where my dreams. I've learned a lot in the process. What i thought was without a doubt what I wanted to do with my life isn't. My priorities have changed. It's a combination of the lifestyle I'd like for our family and having a realistic view of what the pursuit of those dreams entails.

People who pursue their MBAs are driven, ambitious, and hard-working people who are usually attracted to people with similar goal and behaviors. It's a bit difficult to wait your turn when you've spent your adult life working towards your dreams but try to be patient. You might learn more about yourself during this process than you expected. I trust my husband and know that he keeps my goals in mind when making career decisions. It's part of what makes this process difficult. He has to accept a job that works for all of us and that isn't easy.

I'm not saying I know exactly what I want to be doing a year from now but I know what I don't want to be doing. That's equally important. I'm not jealous of my husband. I'm proud and thankful that he's taking on the case interviews so I don't have to. Thanks homie and happy day we met-iversary.

Pumpkin carving at Cornell's Big Red Barn last weekend.