No. I do not want to be a real housewife.

My husband is convinced that my ultimate goal in life is to eventually be cast as a Real Housewife of somerandomplace, USA. The accusation (it's serious so that is what I will call it) is annoying to say the absolute very least. I'm like Tupac "All I want Is money, f*** the fame". I have no interest in being famous. Ever. I could not handle it. I don't like people looking at me, knowing things about me I haven't chosen to share, and the thought of ending up in US Weekly terrifies me. Fame is not for me. I know exactly how that story would end: me tussling with paparazzi outside of a 24 hour Taco Bell at 3 am and eventually in rehab. Mountains of drugs would be needed for me to be able to deal with that mess.

What is it about me that makes him think I desire that lifestyle? I'm guessing it's because I religiously watch each and every housewives edition. Newsflash bro I don't leave the house. Ever! It's fun watching other people do normal American things like go shopping while simultaneously declaring bankruptcy and flipping tables. Geeze. Can I live?

Real Housewives of Miami's Marysol Patton—and her mom, Elsa  Read more:

Of course I like nice things and looking good but I am not a frivolous person (anymore. I am an old lady with kids now). I am VERY practical. I pretty much toss and turn all night deliberating over whether I should spend $35 on a face wash that my pizza face really needs. THAT is practical.

I am going to keep watching my beloved trashy Housewives whenever I have free time (never) and my husband better be quiet. He needs to consider this blog post a warning.

Quick question: if he only watches the Housewives because I "always have it on" according to him then why is it that I caught him referencing Jo & Sloan from RH of Orange County Season ONE! That was on years before I met him. My husband is a housewife loving hypocrite.

husband and wife