Attention New Celebrity Moms: Please shut the hell up!

I am a little like Andy Rooney with my nonsensical bitching and complaining about the inconsequential. I can always find something to be ridiculously offended about. An example would be my annoyance at the proliferation of the suburban Fashion Bug store. Who the hell shops there? Why are there so many? Would it kill them to build an Ann Taylor! Anyway...

I have never been one to blame magazines or television for body issues and the like but the research is there. The constant barrage of airbrushed, lipo'd, and botoxed images are not good for the psyche whether male or female. It is as if the universe has forgotten what a real human being looks like. I am definitely part of the problem. I admit it. I won't raise my eyebrows so that I don't encourage wrinkles and don't you judge me!

But I think I have had it with celebrity mom interviews. What is the point in hearing all about how these strangers lost the baby weight? Is it interesting anymore? It is all lies anyway. I like fluffy entertainment stories as much as the next person but I think these constant stories are harmful. It is as if there is some new physical standard of motherhood that is absolutely unattainable to 99.99% of the female child-bearing population.

It is very rare to see any advice dispensed by these women that can be considered useful to a new mother. Losing weight should be the absolute last priority of a new mother. The transition to motherhood can be extremely jarring to most women.

Do we really need to hear these overpaid and often undertalented (ya I'm mean) chickens clucking about how they lost the two pounds they gained during their pregnancy.

Kendra Wilkinson

“I’m trying to get my body back into six-pack shape right now. I just want to get back into shape and do me,” the mom of 8-month-old Hank IV told the Johnjay and Rich radio show.

Do you? Really?

I can understand wanting to feel and look good especially wanting to be at a healthy weight before attempting to have another child but what the hell does having a six pack have to do with new motherhood?

Bethenny Frankel

“I didn’t diet when I was pregnant, but I also didn’t binge,” she tells Access Hollywood. “My theory is people who gain 60 to 70 pounds… you’re eating, you’re eating like a maniac! I think it’s license to go off the rails. I ate healthy and I did eat sweets. I do love to indulge a little, I ate whatever I wanted, but not like a crazy person.”

Bullllllshit Bethenny!  Everyone is different of course and it is totally possible that she lost 30 pounds in three weeks (bullshit) but what good is she doing by parading around in a bikini showcasing her post baby body AND judging women that did gain more weight than she did? It is useless. As if women and new mothers do not have enough to feel guilty about.

How about putting ones narcissism aside for the sake of the sisterhood? I know it is a lot to ask of women that make a living from public appearances but it is just one instance. Give us a break. I do not want to see your skinny ass at the grocery store checkout three weeks after I have had my baby and am as pudgy as a sack of donuts (delicious donuts).

Lastly why do all celebrities have c-sections? Is it a coincidence?
It seems that the only time we hear about celebrity vaginas is when they are about to drop a new sextape.