Cryptic Text Messages from My Husband
My husband is a funny guy and a phenomenal husband and father but it can be beyond annoying to be on the receiving end of his text messages.
Do you receive cryptic texts from your husband? I know I'm not alone because two Twitter friends told me their husbands do the same thing.
It goes a little something like this:
Text from Husband: I saw a freaking spaceship
My first text: OMG are you serious? YOU saw a spaceship. Where?!? This is crazy. I knew it.
My second text: That man I saw at the subway wearing that fiery sandwich board was right! The end is near! Are you there? Did they take you? Do they have your phone!?!
My third text: Okay, I'm worried. Are you there? This isn't funny. Did. They. Take. You? Can you text in morse code?
My fourth text: Alright if I don't hear from you in 3 minutes I am calling the police. I love you.
Text from my husband: Oh, hey sorry had to use the toilet. So I saw this freaking spaceship cake at this bakery I walked by and I was wondering if you could make me one just like it.
My fifth text: I hate you so much. >:-|
Text from Husband: So I was at Steak & Shake and this Forbes billionaire needed my table and I got two free meals!
My first text: OMG! Was it Oprah? Are you having dinner with Oprah?
My second text: Hey what's happening? Are you eating dinner with a billionaire? Did you mention I have a single sister?
My third text: WHERE ARE YOU!?! Was this a hostile takeover of your seating at Steak & Shake? WHO does that? Who is this jerk! It was f***ing Zuckerberg wasn't it?
My fourth text: Why are you eating at Steak & Shake? I thought you were watching your weight too? You know what it does to your stomach! WHERE ARE YOU!?! What did you order? I'm so hungry. : (
Text from my husband: Oh sorry was playing a video game. Oh, I was at the Steak & Shake and management asked whether I would give up my seat for the Billionaire in exchange for two free meals so I said yes.
My fifth text: Did you at least network? Do we have a billionaire friend?
Text from my husband: Nope.
My sixth text: We're in the hugest fight right now.
Am I the only one?